Sunday, June 16

How Much is Enough?

Random thoughts from a pondering writer,
regarding the fact that she doesn't much write anymore,
and wondering why…

Why I like to write devotions:
* Writing down verses that pop out to me and the lessons I learn during my quiet-time Scripture reading helps cement them in my memory.
* Crafting a coherent, publishable devotion leads me to meditate and pray even more to make sure I “get it” before I share it.
* Editing– re-arranging and rewording and re-reading my thoughts over and over – buries the Word and its Truth in my heart.
* Publishing the final product leaves a permanent record of my personal revelation, life application, reaction, and Spiritual growth. At any time, I can revisit my own experiences and learn from them again, or easily share them when needed
* Sharing the wisdom and knowledge God has blessed me with brings me joy. Before I started writing devotions and Christian fiction, I didn't have an effective outlet to share the Gospel with others. Like Moses, I stumble over my words and blunder in conversation.

Why I haven't been writing devotions:
* I haven't felt inspired enough. I've had no earth-shattering, mountain-peaking revelations to write about. Who would want to read about the trivial truths I've been gleaning?
* I haven't felt creative enough. My thoughts are unoriginal and my writing is forced, stilted, and boring.
* I haven't felt the “flow” enough. It's been WORK to put words on paper (or screen). Writing is much easier when thoughts rushes in like a river and words flows through my fingers. These days, it's been like straining muddy water dredged from the creek bed.
* I haven't felt educated enough. Who am I, a mere church secretary with only five years of behind-the-scenes ministry under her belt, to be teaching anyone anything about God, Jesus, or the Bible.
* I haven't felt mature enough. Sure, since I was a wee child in love with my Savior/Prince/Only Friend, I've believed in Jesus, God's Son, who died for my sins for my sins. But my surrender to Jesus as my Lord and my intimate relationship with Him through the Holy Spirit is only a decade old – and still rocky in places. And my writing “career”? It's is even younger and more precarious than that. Who am I to compete with so many devotion writers years my senior in so many aspects?

As I typed this list, begin to wonder…. How much inspiration is 'enough'? How much creativity is 'enough? How much maturity? How much……

And God stopped me. He reminded me.

My grace is enough. My gift is enough. My Son is enough.

Jesus is enough.

Yes, Jesus is enough. He's proven it over and over.

So who am I to silence the message He has entrusted me with because I doubt myself? Who am to stifle the voice of the Holy Spirit because I don't think I'm good enough to share it? Who am I to judge His vessel unworthy?

Fortunately, God didn't call me to be faultless - He called me to be faithful. That's not always easy either, but I plow on, trusting the Master Gardener to send workers to this fertile desert I trudge through, scattering my little seeds as I go.