the lovely and talented Julie at The Surrendered Scribe.
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BLESS ME PLEASE, FOR I HAVE SNEEZED
The sneeze came on too fast.
My left hand clutched the resume I was about to hand to Mr. Bernard S. Burkholter, Esquire, president of the most prestigious law firm in Lansing, and my right hand was outstretched to snatch a tissue out of the box on his desk, when the powerful ACHOOO was loosed prematurely. My eyes snapped open post-sneeze, and immediately I squinched them shut again.
I hoped the groaning sob I choked off sounded enough like a cough to cover for my emotional breakdown. My unprotected sneeze had caused me to hawk a loogie clear across Mr. Burkholter's desk to land... splat ...on the right lens of his eyeglasses.
"Oh...please...excuse me...let me...I'm so sorry...here..." I fumbled for the elusive white tissue bursting from the slit in the box top, but my hands were shaking so badly I bumped Mr. Burkholter's tumbler of Diet Coke and sent a river of soda surging straight toward his lap.
He was otherwise occupied with getting his muck-spattered glasses off of his face and didn't see the onslaught coming. When the icy river waterfalled over the desk and into his crotch, he leapt from his chair so abruptly he banged his thighs against the desk, drawer causing the entire desk to jolt.
Evidently that jolt set off a silent alarm that signaled the security guards, because they entered post haste with guns drawn. My hands flew in the air and my pristine resume flew into the lake of soda on Mr. Burkholter's desk.
I looked at Mr. Burkholter, and he looked at the men in blue. I looked at the men in blue, and they kindly escorted me out of Mr. Burkholter's office and out off the building without even offering me a "God bless you" or "gesundheit".
Needless to say, I wasn't offered the job, either.
"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes."
Psalm 18:24 (Msg)